Watching from the other side

I’ve getting a little preview of how my family will react [when I finally do come out] over the Christmas break.

The news that one of my cousins is a lesbian and is living with her girlfriend in Australia was supposed to be hush-hush. It would appear that tongues have been wagging.

My uncle – Her Father isn’t talking to her… hasn’t been for a long time.

Her Mother – My Aunt is.

Talking to another cousin a few nights ago, she was telling me how her mother [another aunt] was asking about some photos of my cousin she saw on facebook.

“Is that her… Is that the girl she lives with?”

The uber-religious relatives have not been told; but then their opinions are fairly predictable anyway.

My Mum knows, she said she always thought my cousin was a little different.

The biggest surprise though was that my Dad knows, he emails and chats to my cousin all the time. According to my Mum, he sees himself as a bit of a surrogate father, after her own father stopped talking to her!

And yet, still I hesitate.

Those that matter most to me, have shown that they can be supportive of a gay in the family.

Watching from the other side though, I still get to hear the snide remarks; the disapproving comments; the crude jokes.  I don’t want them to say those things about me.

They probably say worse about me now behind my back, most of the comments that I’ve heard them make about my cousin, they wouldn’t say to her face; and they probably wouldn’t make them in front of me if they knew I was gay too.

It bothers me that they can be so two-faced.

I’d much rather someone said something [no matter how hurtful] to my face… it saves on confusion.

To be honest though – It shouldn’t matter. They accept it or they don’t. What they say behind my/her back is up to them and hasn’t really any effect whatsoever.

One thing’s for sure though… once one person in my family knows, it won’t take long for the word to spread.

I’m planning a trip to visit my cousin in the first half of next year. I guess I’ll tell her then.